Sunday, December 4, 2011

Stressed and second guessing.

I don't want to study for my linguistics midterm. I have no clue what any of it is about and quite frankly, I don't even care! I just want to get the whole class over with.  I've gotten on 3 out of 4 quizzes an A, a B, and a C.  I got an A- on my presentation. The only things left are the midterm and the error analysis paper (shoot me) that are combined worth 55% of my grade. Fail, fail, fail.

I'm stressed. I'm trying not to be stressed, because I know what stress can do to a person with WG, but seriously... enough is enough!

I've considered leaving the school I'm in, several times.  The commute is rough- 1.5 hours each way.  Most classes don't get out until 9:30 or 9:40, so there are nights that I don't get home until after 11pm.  Not exactly conducive to my schedule.  I try to be up by 5:30am when I have work because I am so slow in the mornings that I need a long time to get ready.  Lately I have to get up earlier because my hands are in so much pain that to brush my teeth feels like I'm being stretched on a medieval torture device. 

I originally started in the MSeD Literacy Program.  I have always been exposed to literacy.  Undergrad we took 6 literacy classes, 1 math, 1 science, 1 social studies.  After 12 credits in Literacy as a graduate student, I've realized I haven't learned much of anything.  So I switched to TESOL.  After 8 credits in TESOL and teaching ESL this year, I'm starting to think that ESL isn't the right path for me either.  There is too much pressure and stress from the city DOE to bring these non-native English speakers up to snuff in too short a period of time.  I cannot deal with that kind of stress for the rest of my career. 

The linguistics class that I am in now has seriously made me reconsider just about everything I thought I knew about myself as a teacher and as a student.  I'm trying to ignore the fact that I feel stupid and dumb every class just so that I can get through my test, but it isn't working. 

I'd much rather think of a position title for myself in the Wegener's Granulomatosis, Inc. group.  Far more fun and more referential to my own life.

Forget phrase structure and the non-intervention principle and morphemes and violated semantic features and phonological rules and schwas and phonetic transcription... not interested.

I have Books 2 and 3 of the Hunger Games series sitting on my desk, waiting to be read. But I won't read them until I finish all my work for the semester. I know if I start them, I won't put them down until I'm done.

Then I will really fail everything this semester.

This is quite possibly the most boring entry I've ever blogged.

P.S. Anyone know how to use google pages? I need to create my own website for my class and I have no idea how to edit the templates. 

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