30 Things: Day 6

I started the 30 Days challenge last summer and never finished.  So I suppose I'll pick up where I left off, since I'm not a quitter.

Day 6: What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

The first thing that immediately comes to mind is getting sick with Wegener's.  But the more that I think about it, it wasn't the actual disease that was the hardest thing.  It's been dealing with the fall out.  There have been plenty of terrible experiences in my life.  WG, losing my cousin, the D.D. (Dad Debacle), struggling to love my job...

Wait.  Now I'm all confused.  Maybe it isn't just one singular experience that I can definitively say was the absolute hardest thing I've ever dealt with.  The culmination of all these things is definitely the hardest thing.  The hell with you, brain.

I've always had a "life plan".  I knew what I wanted, I knew when I wanted it to happen, and I knew what I wanted to be (happy).  There was an all encompassing definition of happy and plenty of criteria that had to be met in order for me to achieve that "happiness".  There isn't much I can say with any certainty anymore, but what I can say is that I love Mumford and Sons.

Just kidding.  I do love them (just a smidge late to that bandwagon.)  In all seriousness, I'm not really sure that I am happy.  I know that I can't keep this rigid list of criteria, but they are always in the back of my mind.  Yes, I'm teaching, but not the population I wanted nor the grade I wanted.  Yes, I'm approaching being healthy, but it took a lot of stress and hours hooked up to IVs to get there.  Yes, I have some of the greatest friends I could ever ask for, but there's still something missing.

Ok.  So what I guess I'm trying to say is that the hardest thing I've ever experienced is my quest for happiness despite facing sometimes insurmountable adversity while attempting to remain graceful and humble and appreciating what I have even though I want so much more than I've got. Yay, looks like it is time for the next existential crisis... except this one gets to be dubbed the quarter life crisis!